Grendel's Lair

Blogging Hero

2007-01-20T21:35:00.000+09:00

A mate of mine has been blogging for a number of years at 'Backyard Missionary' and is now giving the blogging game away. His blog has been a source of fascinating debate, discussion and obscene humour for over 4 years.

Hamo, it's been great sharing the blogosphere with you mate, in fact it is you that encouraged me to get blogging myself. and I have found it rewarding in many ways. Thanks for the chance to write on your blog for two weeks too Hamo.

I know that was a period of great discussion for many people and it also helped me sort out some things in my head.

Your blog will be missed.

Bizarre thing in K-Mart

2007-01-08T12:46:00.000+09:00

Jesus - and clearing out at a reduced rate!

Another Interview

2006-11-23T09:00:00.000+08:00

I did an interview for the 6 months acting in the Manager's position at my work on Tuesday. I am happy in my job but I also think I can contribute in that role. I should know by Monday - it would be good to add another layer of challenge, but at the same time I don't think I'll be hugely disappointed if I don't get it - after all I have only been here a few months so far.

Paradox

2006-11-01T11:14:00.000+08:00

“Do they understand the cost?”

“They know there will be pain.”

“But do they understand the cost?”

“They know that you will be changing them – how much more they understand I do not know.”

“They are the only ones. After all these millennia they are all I have and before I proceed I must know that they understand the price they will pay for the change.”

“It is difficult, they are limited.”

“That is why I must change them – they cannot pass beyond their limits without the change – make them understand the cost. If they do not agree to the change I cannot proceed.”

“It is their limitations that prevent them from understanding the full cost of the change – the males among them seem complacent and acquiescent, but the females are agitated but do not comprehend fully. Can we not make the change anyway? You know it must be done.”

“It cannot be done if they do not agree and to agree they must understand the price they will pay. Work with the females if you must – find a way to help them understand and convince the males to accept the change.”

“I will do so, but I am afraid that they will not understand fully until after the change. They are limited, they cannot comprehend until you change them, but you cannot initiate the change until they agree. They cannot agree until they understand the price and they cannot understand the price until they are no longer limited after the change.”

“Work with the females – use their agitation, they will understand better than the males – after all it is they who will care for the first born after the change, they will be the mothers of all to come. It is they who will convince the males of the need to accept the change and pay the price.”

* * *

“They understand.”

“Do they agree to the price?”
“There is a complexity.”

“There is always a complexity.”

“There is not agreement between the males and the females. The females understand the necessity for the change, the males are complacent and do not wish to make an active choice. The females have pressed them to decide and have explained the price.”

“They will agree to the change? They understand the cost?”

“They will agree to the change, but the males will not share the burden. They are ambivalent about the change; it is the females who understand the necessity. The males will accept the change if the females pay the full price of the change.”

“This is unfortunate.”

“I agree.”

“You are sure you cannot convince the males.”

“The limitation is worst with them, thus they do not see it. The females sense the potential of their kind.”

“There will not be balance.”

“And there will be regret.”

“And pain.”

“What will be their potential?”

“Limitless”

“Limitless good?”

“Good. And evil – there must be balance in that at least.”

“Will they survive the change?”

“They must. They will. They shall be unique.”

“Will they know they are unique?”

“They will sense it. It will be a goad to them. This has to be so if they are to be what they must be.”

“Will they remember the change? Will they remember how they were?”

“It will be as a shadow to them.”

“Will they remember us? Will they remember me? Will they remember I was their friend?”

“The will remember you, but the males will remember that you are the one who convinced the females to accept the change. You will not be remembered with fondness. This saddens you?”

“They were my favourites of all that was created here, they intrigue me, so playful. Even limited, they had potential.”

“You have regrets? You think we should not proceed?”

“No, it must be done, they must be changed.”

“And what of you?”

“I will accept my fate also.”

“Then I shall act.”

* * *

And Eve accepted on behalf of her people, knowing that they would change, and grow in stature and walk upright and that they would gain knowledge, and with this knowledge they would change the face of their world. But only Eve understood the price of the bargain she had made and she wept, not for only herself but for the billions of women after her who would pay the price of the change in pain and blood.

Hobby or obsession?

2006-08-28T09:23:00.000+08:00

When you develop an interest in something and you sustain that interest it seems to others to be a hobby or an obsession. My blog profile indicates that I am interested in everything and this is pretty close to the truth.

My wife will tell anyone that I am a little bit weird and I can live with that because I see it to be true. One manifestation of this is how I become interested in something and how that interest develops. As an example I will use coffee. I enjoy coffee, but I enjoy good coffee and I won’t bother drinking it unless I know or suspect that it is good coffee.

I won’t drink instant – I don’t see the point and I’ll drink water or tea in preference. As my interest develops I like to find out more about the origins and history of the thing I am interested in.

For coffee this meant reading about the history of the use of the coffee plant, where it grows and a bit about the varieties that are grown around the world.

My exploration was then directed towards – Where can I by a good coffee, and where was that coffee from? It took me two years to find satisfactory answers to this question and in the process I discovered much more about coffee.

The importance of freshness for one, the influence of different beans in a blend and the source of the beans – even down to individual growers.

It was inevitable that at some stage I would become interested enough to take on coffee roasting myself, and by chance I saw some green coffee beans one day and bought about 250 grams. This led to research about roasting green beans and to my first experiment with a cast iron frypan. The result was good enough to surprise me, and partly I think because of the freshness of the coffee.

I’ve been roasting for about 18 months now, just small batches but also been learning as I go. I’ve now taken it to the next level by purchasing equipment just for roasting coffee and I am reaching beyond my narrow base of green bean supplies to find other, more interesting coffee beans to try.

In the process I have discovered a whole network of people at various stages of dedication to coffee. Some like me are fairly low tech, making do with what they have already without investing too much in additional hardware. Others though have truly magnificent facilities – of which I am envious, that allow them to really engage in their hobby/obsession.

So back to the beginning, when does a hobby become an obsession? Does it ever or is it just a hobby that you are seriously interested in? I’m interested enough to start saving money towards further equipment, but my time commitment is limited to about 2 hours a week, plus a little time to read and write about it. It helps that I like coffee – I don’t think I can achieve quite the same level of interest in tea – and my interest in wine is stalled by the cost of maintaining a decent sampling cellar.

So is coffee my hobby? I’ll keep at it and let you know in a decade or so.

Today's Adventures

2006-08-26T17:27:00.000+08:00

Today was an at home day - we've all been a bit sick this week and needed a quieter day. For the boys this means lots of activities with mum and dad. Alec never forgets when I make a promise to him and I promised him that this weekend we could do some cooking and he could wear the apron that Alli bought him in Sydney. So I roasted coffee (detailed in full at Grendel's Green Coffee Blog)
and we made some biscuits.

Mummy was here of course - she's busy taking the photos and staying out of range of the chocolate.

Riley helped by testing the dough - his face was comment enough.

Alec then put them in the oven.

And the end result!

Naughty Man

2006-08-18T16:01:00.000+08:00

Darth Vader will forever be known as "Naughty Man" in our house. Today we have two would-be "Naughty Man" Candidates.

Currently though both Vader juniors are watching Bananas in Pajamas.

Third Roast

2006-08-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

Medium Dark, took 7 minutes from start to finish and I cooled it by winnowing between sieves under fresh light rainfall.

Will grind in 4 hours and drink tomorrow!

The popper seems to be working very well - of course only the third use so it bloody well better be!

Blogging

2006-08-15T08:49:00.000+08:00

I used to do an exercise on a daily basis called "freewriting" where I would spend 5 minutes and write for that 5 minutes about whatever came into my head - You'll find a bit of that ending up on this blog which means that at some point I'm going to have to seperate the Coffee, politics and life streams of the blog.

I'd appreciate any blog organisation advice!

Reflections on the job so far. . .

2006-08-15T08:46:00.000+08:00

My new job (5 months on) has some interesting challenges and involves working with a group who have been in the field for decades. They have a wealth of knowledge which can be a bit intimidating at times.

Some days it is a bit of a struggle to remind myself that I too am a professional with my own knowledge, I haven’t had as much time to accumulate the knowledge that my colleagues have, but I do have particular skills that allow me to draw on what they know and turn it into viable strategies.

I had my first performance management session here yesterday and it went very well. I think if I can keep up the work I am doing I would be welcome to stay on if a position becomes available at the end of my secondment. I’d like this – not much point going back to where I came from if they don’t have a Strategic Policy and Planning function any more.

I miss some of my former colleagues though – there were some great minds doing amazing work in a difficult environment and it was the best preparation for what I am doing now. I don’t think I would be able to apply the same level of intellectual rigour to my work if I hadn’t experienced the last 18 months there.

I have found that I need to have a heightened political awareness in this job, and I’m finding that there are a number of political bloggers out there that are thought provoking. I tend to sample a spectrum of opinions to get some balance. I’ve also taken to participating in discussion in comments links as an additional mental exercise – it really does improve my ability to critically analyse what is going on in my own area of interest if I’ve done my mental gym session each day.

On a coffee note – the dark roast has much more body to it than my first mild roast – really impressive. A coffee importer is prepared to sell me PNG, Columbian, Kenyan, Ethiopian or other beans in 5kg lots at a reasonable price so I will buy a few lots and experiment with blends as well.

Espresso!

2006-08-13T13:10:00.000+08:00

Being a cool windy day we went out to the new nursery nearby, came home, fed the kids, put them to bed for a nap and decided it was time to try roast number two.

The beans on the left are the medium roast from yesterday, and on the right are the beans (medium/dark) from this afternoon.

It took about 5 minutes to roast to this colour and it was very even across all the beans. Much more even than I ever got roasting from green beans in the wok.

The machine. . .

If choosing a popcorn popper to home-roast green coffee beans, make sure you select one that blows the air in from the sides of the machine not from a mesh underneath. This is so the skins that flake off from the beans don't fall back into a heating element, but also because the side-air models keep the coffee moving and give a nice even roast. It also help if you don't overload the machine.

Below is a picture of the roasting chamber of my popper and you can see the solid base and airflow ports on the side.

The new job.

2006-08-13T08:53:00.000+08:00

After my round of applications earlier in the year I was offered all four jobs I was interviewed for. This was great, but also meant that I had to choose between four quite different jobs with varying levels of security. One was in the organisation I was working for at the time - very safe, good money but pretty boring and little scope for creativity and innovation. Two others were at the same level, but again had a few restrictions I didn't like.

The fourth was doing work that required negotiation, strategic thinking with lots of deadlines and would need me to work fast, hard and require every bit of intellect I could put into it. It was a grade higher than the other jobs, but not enough money to sway me. It was also an 18 month secondment - and really only an 18 month secondment as the position had only been created as a temporary position. It lacked the security of the other jobs but the work, the work was exactly what I felt I needed to be doing.

I took it. and nearly 5 months on it has been the best move so far. Don't know what the future holds, but I am unconcerned. The work is valued and I get to make a contribution that I can see having an impact.

Can't ask more than that I reckon.

The Proof

2006-08-13T08:43:00.000+08:00

The proof of the pudding may be in the eating but for coffee my personal proof of a good roast has always been in whether or not I need to add sugar.

I think I could do a slightly darker roast for flavour but overall yesterday's popper roasted bean are terrific. Given the ease of roasting with this method it would be a simple thing for me to roast each night the small amount of Coffee I want for the next day.

Coming up:

Coffee roasting 101 - at least from my experience.

Ta-Da!

2006-08-12T18:37:00.000+08:00

I've been home roasting my own coffee for over a year now - I have found it very satisfying but it does smoke out the house a bit (I use a wok on the gas stove).

Today I did something I have wanted to try for a long time and bought a popcorn maker. Many of the web sites that provide information about roasting your own coffee talk glowingly about the results achieved by the humble popcorn machine.

The picture above shows my green coffee beans on the left, and the result of 5 minutes in my $22 Black and Decker Popper.

Pretty damn impressed actually - very even roast all over, low mess, little effort and very fast. The main drawback is the amount you can roast at any one time, but still, pretty happy.

Will make the ultimate test tomorrow morning when I drink the product. . .

One More Number

2006-06-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

I bought a ticket in the big lotto superdraw a couple of weeks ago - $27 Million prize. The first division shares if you picked all six numbers ended up at $1.37 Million.

No mortgage, no bills of concern, as much therapy as my son could handle - and me being home to drive him from speech, to occupational and physio therapists.

We got 5 of the six numbers. They call this third division. Ends up about $1400 which coincidentally is about the same amount we need to repair our aging car.

It is amazing just how happy you can be by just winning 'enough' to meet a need.

I wish the first division winners all the joy of their money but I think our win was better.

A Hearing Test Might be an Idea

2006-06-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

Twice a week I take my son on the train into the city with me. This allows my wife to manage his older brothers various therapy sessions without the usual 2-yr old issues of need for attention and the application of the methodologies that come as part of the attention-getting package.

Today the train was very crowded, and as our stop is before the city I had to negotiate myself and the pram backwards through the crowd to the door of the train.

"Excuse me, 'scuse please, watch your toes, thanks very much, excuse me, thank you. . ." and I was out the door. A rather prim lass throws me a 'look' and intones "An 'excuse me' might be an idea".

I had three retorts to my tongue from the bland "ah, I did actually" (which I used), or the mildly sarcastic "Five times excused is not enough for you?" to the slightly sharper throwing her own words back to her as "A Hearing test might be an idea".

From the whithering look I received from my milder reply you'd have thought I used my third option - and perhaps I should have. Maybe she was just trying to teach politeness - well I know the conventions and use them - often suffer at other lack of similar usage, however I choose to believe she was just being a smart-arse.

Maybe next time.

A Management Parable

2006-06-19T14:14:00.000+08:00

There was once a ship sailing across the ocean. The captain was diligent and the crew loyal and dutiful. Officers and crew stood watch in shifts to make sure that the ship stayed on course and was able to avoid hazards. The officer of the watch had a set of binoculars. These allowed the officer to see further than with naked eyes so that they had more warning of hazards and could see the safe course for the ship.

One day a new captain took over the ship and when it was his turn on watch a crewman handed him the binoculars. The lenses had been cleaned and the lens caps placed back on to protect them until the captain was ready to use them.

The captain lifted the binoculars to his eyes, but because the lens caps were on he could see nothing. Angrily he turned to the crewman nearest him. “Take these to engineering, have them strip the binoculars and report back to me what is wrong with them.”

“but sir,” said the crewman, “if you’ll just take the…”

“Do as I instruct” growled the captain.

The binoculars were duly stripped by engineering who reported to the captain that there was nothing wrong with them.

As they binoculars had not worked when the captain tried them he decided that they were unreliable and should be scrapped. They weren’t needed to steer the ship, or monitor the engines or manage the crew and he could see perfectly well for himself what was around the ship.

“Binoculars distract for the core business of running the ship” he declared. “From now on there will be no binoculars.”

Of course this was his prerogative as captain, and to be sure, binoculars were not very useful in managing the crew, maintaining the engines, swabbing the decks, painting the rails or even in turning the rudder.

The crew however were worried, they knew that keeping watch was an important part of their duties and that using the right tools to keep watch gave them better information and more importantly gave them time to provide advice so that the captain could make a decision.

One by one they either spoke up and were dismissed or toed the line and were promoted. They all knew however, that just because the captain didn’t value binoculars that they were any less vital to the safety of the ship and they also knew that if the captain was going to discover how vital they were only when he ran the ship aground on the shoal that he would have seen if only he could have seen far enough.

J is for Job

2006-01-30T17:33:00.000+08:00

I’ve been doing the odd job application lately. I’m looking both inside and outside the organisation I currently work for because I think it is time to step up and move my career further towards where my interests lie. I really love where I am now, but there has been too much poorly managed change and too many promises about what will await me ‘in the new structure’. I’m very passionate about my work and I want to be somewhere that values that aspect of me and allows me the latitude to apply it effectively. I can do that where I am – my manager is of like mind but I also feel the need to stretch in other directions.

So far I’ve done 5 job application and had 4 interviews – pretty happy with that strike rate, and then today there were 6 positions advertised that I am qualified for, so I may be in for some late evenings again.

I know that at least two of the organisations have contacted my referees – usually a good sign, but I still hate the waiting, especially on a Monday morning.

I’m tired – we had a ‘sick’ weekend with all of us attacked by some subtle bug. No great cold or flu symptoms, just the odd ache and very two lethargic parents accosted by alternately lethargic and manic boys.

A lunchtime nap would go down really well today.

Maybe it’s the weird weather – the height of summer and all it can manage is a weak 25° C, not that I am really complaining when the alternative is usually 40° C. Still, my tomatoes are getting a little confused as to the season, luckily the cucumbers don’t care.

Drivel? Yes. But it is all I can manage today apparently.

P is for patience

2006-01-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

And I have only a little, but my son is learning patience. I however am feeling tired tonight and I don't have the stamina to Blog but maybe this weekend will inspire me a little.

I think its the stitches.

They can go now.

Anytime would be good.

S is for Sodor

2006-01-18T21:59:00.000+08:00

And sod, stuff or screw the lot of them. Sodor is the imaginary island on which Thomas the Tank engine exists. My 4-year old wants to go there for a visit and I have trouble explaining to him that we can’t actually go there.

A similar credibility gap seems to exist in our workplace. There is this imaginary place where everyone does exactly as some people want – including the public. In the imagination of some people I work with we are already on our way there and this is not helped by the inevitable ‘yes’ crew who don’t wish to engage in an intellectually discussion about the best way to achieve our goals. To use a space exploration analogy, it is as if we are being told to prepare for landing on the moon but no one wants to discuss the life support necessities for the crew.

In our case it is more about plans without planning and policy without consultation. Our unit recently got shifted from one portfolio to another, renamed and restructured. I can live with that – I can even applaud the logic that was given for the move. However it was recently revealed by one fellow manager that they want to commence “some kind of policy process and evaluation function” for our agency. Great I said – just the thing for the Policy and Evaluation unit (our unit – for which we have been screaming for the resources to carry out those functions for three years). Makes you wonder whether they actually even read the unit titles in all the shuffling.

Of course I can’t be held responsible for my statements at the moment – I had those teeth taken out yesterday and it is affecting my judgement.

Tooth shall set you free. . .

2006-01-15T09:38:00.000+08:00

I had a quiet weekend planned. I was going to borrow a car with a towbar and go get a load of top dresing and spread it on my lawn. But first I had to go see the dentist about a chip off one of my molars. No big problem, just a little patch job and I'd be back at it. Usually I don't even bother with the anesthetic - I figure a little brief pain is easier than the numbness.

1 Hour and two teeth later I staggered from the Dentists and sat in the car wondering if I was safe to drive. Not only did the molar have to be extracted but so did the wisdom tooth beside it. I've ended up with three stiches to boot*.

Needless to say there is not much inspiration for writing today but when not inspired write about why - I figure.

Could not have coffee yesterday or this morning but should be safe this afternoon.

*Boot - oddly apt since that is exactly the object my face appears to have come into contact with.

Something I wrote two years ago today and only just found again tonight. . . (weird coincidence night)

2006-01-10T21:57:00.000+08:00

I walked parched earth this morning. So dry even the cracks had cracks of their own, forming intricate fractals of thirst. Even as my steps crumbled the dusty edges of these micro-crevasses, I could feel the shift, the coming change that would obliterate their patterns. The air, which yesterday had seemed so harsh, so bereft of any life, and which had sucked all moisture from my breath, was thick and wet with promise of impending succour for the earth beneath my feet. A honeyed miasma from the paperbarks stifled all but the smell of wetted dust settling from the air, and I walked slowly, allowing the morning to suffuse my body. I once hated the humidity, I fled from it, hiding in cooler climes and air-conditioned offices, revelling in the cold wet of winter and the dry baking summers. The sudden tropical reminder hit me like a cyclone, a whirling of memories and emotions from another time. The breeze on my face is gentle, warm, wet and I walk on. The bothering flies persist with their petty irritations as they orbit me, but the morning is mine to enjoy.

And how!

2006-01-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

As my previous post indicated I love coffee. A lot. But It wasn't always that way, and I am a self confessed coffee snob - I only have one cup a day so it better be worthwhile and I'd rather drink water than instant (and that is exactly what I do the rest of the day).

Coffee is something I discovered when I travelled overseas.

I volunteered work for a short while in a country devastated by earthquakes, and while I was there I discovered the overwhelming hospitality that is possible in that part of the world. This tradition includes the drinking of coffee, in the Greek/Turkish style. Thick and rich and sweet.

It has left a lasting impression and since that time I have not tasted any coffee that quite compares. Perhaps this is because of the experiences that accompanied the drinking of the coffee.

It was certainly unique to be in that place and in that time and to sit with people whose language I did not speak, whose culture I did not understand, but to be made to feel welcome, and at home.

The eastern coffee tradition is something that has been used in marketing coffee in Australia, but I somehow see it as very false. There is not the depth of tradition nor the overwhelming sense of hospitality that accompanies the coffee traditions of middle eastern and southern European countries and the feeble attempts of advertisers to portray coffee as the great icon of hospitality lack the essential quality of authenticity.

Coffee will always hold important memories for me and at least in my own home I like people to really enjoy their coffee - it means a bit of work for me, even down to roasting green beans when I run out of the Papua New Guinea fair trade coffee I buy.

I often wish though that traditions grew faster to enrich a culture - I believe Australia is on its way to something unique but its taking its bloody time.

C is for Sacred

2006-01-09T19:25:00.000+08:00

Ok, I know, the whole 'C' and 'S' thing, but give me a little artistic license. . .

Ode to a Coffee Bean

Of all the vices human beings have chosen to employ,
There are some that prefer coffee as their favourite to enjoy.
It does not draw in fierce pursuit, the wrath and ire of law,
It is plentiful and thus enjoyed by those both rich and poor.

It’s felicitous aroma stirs the tired and fading workers,
Although in extreme amounts it has been known to rouse berserkers.
It fits snugly in receptacles of ceramic, glass or paper,
It can be served at table or on the run, with biscuit wafer.

In its vegetative life, the bean starts humbly on a tree,
Yet a little gentle handling will soon set the flavour free.
Just a pause within an oven’s blessed heat, let it roast,
The sacred bean is transfigured, a beverage of boast.

A grinding task remains before the ceremony ends,
Fine, medium or course - on this the brewing shall depend.
Espresso pots or plungers, pans and percolators too,
The Greeks, Turks and Armenians prepare it like a stew.

Latte, ‘chino, short or long, royale or macciato,
The varieties spill out in caffeine induced staccato.
For affogato – add ice cream, for Irish – add some liquor,
And when in urgent need of it, drink espresso, ‘cause it’s quicker.

Don’t preach to me the evils of the caffeine hid within,
Or try to sell to me ‘decaf’ stuff – to drink it is a sin.
Dare not serve to me ‘instant’ - that thing they call ‘freeze dried’,
For there is a special place in hell for those that such supply.

© Michael Carroll, 2004

T is for Tired of this place

2006-01-09T19:11:00.000+08:00

Some days you just don’t know how things are going to shape up. I feel as up I am in wind-up mode, I’ve been getting a few job interviews from other organisations and I am waiting to see in any result in an offer, but something in me feels as if I need to move out of this environment. I know that the grass is not greener but to continue the pasture analogy I think that it might be a good change to be munching that grass with a different herd.

I realise that I’ve been preparing myself unconsciously for weeks. I’ve cleaned my desk regularly, packed stuff into boxes, taken all my CD’s home, tried to finish up the annoying ‘loose end’ projects.

The shifts that have been going on in our workplace are logical, they make sense to me in terms of the work needing to be done, but the change management process (or lack thereof)and the lack of understanding of the work we are already doing – well, it doesn’t help encourage me about longer term stability and if there is going to be change I’d like it to be on my terms, or at the very least I’d like some input.

D is Diesel

2006-01-08T10:05:00.000+08:00

Well it's been months since I started (and posted) but what can I say - life just can't be blogged sometimes.

The Diesels are in the ascendent within the workplace and their oily machinations have led me to the realisation that ineffectiveness within the public service is in a large part caused by senior managers. Its not intentional on their part, its just that so many of them are career focussed to the point that they will discount the input of their peers because admitting that someone else's idea has merit may somehow detract from your future promotional prospects.

Others are just psychpaths and there is very little you can do about them at all - other than avoid them.

I'm relatively junior in the overall scheme, but I am also a professional who is attempting to develop a professional identity. Because I am a public servant within a police organisation it is a constant frustration to see work done by myself and by professional colleagues, seized upon by, and credited to Police Officers whose only claim to is it by their rank.

I've started being a bit more careful about how I operate in this environment and I'm now releasing papers (with my name attached) rather than just handing over whole generic files of my research and analysis. Whenever I've handed over those files in the past they have either been archived or used as the basis for someone else's promotion.

Usually when archived I get a call 6 months to a year later from some poor fool who has been tasked with doing what I have already done - and being a softy I usually just give them my stuff.

Well I've decided that a "Really Useful™ Engine" can be really useful without being a doormat for other people's ambitions, and in fact people need to see colleagues as professionals and the only way to do that is to show them. If that means leaving to take up a position in another organisation - well so be it. More on this in the next fortnight with any luck!

Which Tank Engine Are You?

2005-03-06T18:31:00.000+08:00

On the Island of Sodor, the Rev. W. Awdry's engines all have distinct personalities. Like any good bureaucrat I like to find ways of classifying things - and especially people. Now we've all done Myers-Briggs, Big Five, Word Association, Enneagram and the rest so I think it's time for the "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends Personality Type - for the Office Environment" As an example there is Edward. Edward is described as both kind and helpful, a perfect example of a Really Useful™ Engine (refer to the previous post!).

R is for Really Useful™

2005-03-06T06:56:00.000+08:00

Being Really Useful™ is important if you have a Fat Controller who values being Really Useful™ above all else.

Being Really Useful™ might mean you are good at what you do, or that you are always willing to help, it might mean that others see you as a team player, one who doesn't challenge the way things are, one who carries out instructions, as instructed, when instructed, one who doesn't debate, argue or dispute and one who tolerates workmates foibles, even if they are sometimes hurtful to others. In short, being Really Useful™ is a problem.

I is for Important

2005-03-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

"A" is for "All aboard" and this is critical if you are a small blue tank engine with two passenger carriages. It's also important if you are the not-so-fat-controller coordinating the daily choo-choo schedule. Sometimes I wish I was three again - usually on Monday mornings when I read the emails that the boss sent me over the weekend. The biggest job my son has every day is to make sure that Thomas rescues/is rescued when the tunnel/bridge/viaduct/station/crane collapses/burns/wobbles or is run into by a ship.

Quite a task really and one that usually can consume an entire day.

I can feel a train set coming on.

Wots inside the pumpkin?

2005-02-28T20:22:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered why supermarkets sell all their pumpkin already cut up? Sure, for one reason it's because lots of people don't want to buy a whole pumpkin anymore, but by cutting open the pumpkin the supermarket hopes you'll see how bright and golden they are inside - much more attractive than the often roughened, sun-marked skin outside. Now I don't mind butternut, or golden nugget, I'll eat Queensland Blue at a pinch but I really love Jap pumpkins (or Kent pumpkin to reflect the current "correct" name). But I digress, as I so often do.

Looking at a whole pumpkin, its very hard to know what they are like inside. The skin might be smooth and unmarked and yet when you get it home and open it up the flesh can be pale and insipid in taste. Or it may be overripe, and the pulp around the seeds on the verge of fermenting. Nasty. Of course, if like me you slaved for eight years at the mercy of management in the fruit and vege section of a supermarket, you'll know damn well how to pick a good pumpkin because all the good ones got prepped for sale by machete wielding youths like myself - and woe betide the feckless fool who picked a pumpkin for cutting that did not reflect the standard.

So all the good pumpkins got cut up, and the (probably) not so good ones got placed out for sale at the slightly cheaper "whole" price.

So what lesson can we learn from this? Does there need to be a lesson at all? It's my blog, so yes, there is a lesson and you'll damn well like it. (helloooooooooo? anyone reading my blog??? No, Gren, they fell asleep during the last class. . .)

Life is like a pumpkin. No, that's not it, PEOPLE are like pumpkins, what you see on the outside is not necessarily a truthfull reflection of what is inside, and those that you can see the inside of have been opened up in some way.

I would suggest that this process of opening up is often painful (certainly for the pumpkins at any rate), but it would seem to be necessary in order to see the best bits of everybody. Sometimes someone comes along and cuts you open, sometimes you break open, sometimes you are so full of something that you burst open - whatever suits eh?

I wonder if there is something out there that has the job of going round opening up "pumpkins"?

Perhaps the universe just prefers pumpkins to be open and created supermarkets to ensure that this happens as often as possible. Have pumpkins in fact driven the evolution of the supermarket to its current heights?

Join me tomorrow when I discuss something else.

Or not.

I'll never listen to Smashing Pumpkins the same way again.

It's not easy being three!

2005-02-25T19:11:00.000+08:00

It's not easy being 30 - ish either. Today was my older son's third birthday and with all the excitement a few tears were inevitable, but on balance he had a great time. I think his only expectations for the day were presents and cake, and he got both of those, so in that respect the day was never going to be a failure.

For those of us who aren't three any more, our expectations are often more complex, and more often not met, which makes me wonder if perhaps I need to have simpler expectations of each day. Tomorrow my expectation will be lunch. I will hold out for this at all costs, I will not however place any expectations on the nature and ingredients of lunch, just the existance and consumption of lunch. I will also not place any expectations on the timing of lunch, I'll just accept it when I get it.

Of course this means that in fact it may not be lunchtime when I get lunch, which introduces a complexity, one of the very things I am trying to eliminate. Is it lunch if you eat it outside the accepted lunch temporal parameters. I've adopted a simple approach: whatever it is and whenever I eat it, if I call it lunch, then it bloody well is lunch.

This approach probably would not translate well to my work which requires a little more stability in its definitions. It would make work more fun - at least until they fired me.

As for future expectations, for Sunday I am think I can stretch to an expectation of a glass of wine, and for Monday I might look at a repetition of lunch to which I will add the complexity of being at my office. Quite daring really.

The 5-year Itch

2005-02-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

I seem to have a five year itch, as in, my career undergoes change like clockwork every 5 years. My last career change was 5 years ago come April, so I'm sitting at my desk with my toes tapping waiting for "the next big thing". I don't know how this came about, and it's not even really an itch, the last time it happened we were happy and comfortable and living in the Whitsundays. Holy crap, THE WHITSUNDAYS!!!, 67 tropical islands fringed by coral reefs, palm trees, sailing fishing, coffee and breakfast by the sea. And we lived there. Every day. For five years.

Next thing you know I am dragging our arses onto a plane west with everything we own just 'cause "there's this job over there that I want".

So, here we are in Perth, 5 years down the track, I have had some good opportunities and been able to make a difference but that old "what's next" feeling is there, and I've been doing the occasional job application for things that I think I'd like to try my hand at next. There is no urgency to this feeling, just a vague tugging at a subconcious level that if I were to translate would be a whisper of "hey you, shiny-bum, time to get moving". This time though I'm going to place some restrictions, lifestyle improvements - absolutely, started going to the gym already. Job change - possibly, I'll see whats out there that needs doing. Career change - unlikely unless some consulting firm sees what my ego sees and offers me obscene amounts of cash to "consult". Moving interstate again - no way, not even suburb, not even street. To brighton we came and in Brighton we shall remain.

At least for the next five years. . .

Hooray for Horror

2005-02-22T20:48:00.000+08:00

I've been reading Stephen King this month. Specifically his memoir titled "On Writing". Now I have read a bit of his work, I tend to lean away from the horror - except "The Stand" but the Dark Tower series, the Green Mile, the Shawshank Redemption and Hearts in Atlantis are among some of his works that really indicate the depth that some writers have. It is odd too think though that any person can imagine some events, and particularly those that are capable of scaring the pants off a crowded theatre when translated to the big screen.

We all have nightmares, sometimes we get to experience things we'd rather forget. My terrors of the mind usually resolve themselves in imaginings of things that could possibly happen to my family, particularly when I hear of tragedies experienced by others. Not that I choose to live my life in fear, in fact I would rather imagine these dark thoughts, negotiate my way through the scenario in my mind and get on with life than to remain blissfully unaware that it is a dangerous would.

I refuse to believe in the limited option scenario, I believe there is always a 3rd, 4th (or 5th if necessary) solution. I think one of these scenarios might possibly be located somewhere in the realm of "acceptance" but that is a better option than meeting fate arse end up.

I have seen some terrible things but I have seen nothing I'd rather forget. I'd rather some things hadn't happened, but I am determined to learn the lessons life is offering, and make a difference when and where I can. The work I do is not exciting in the "action" sense, and a "day of drama" in my workplace is usually the result of a coffee shortage, but the work I do does have value, and can impact a lot on peoples lives - it is not just busy-ness.

I think I've swept the spectrum with this post - I guess where I am going is this: Seizing the day is but a small step in the bigger job of seizing the life.

Demons, demons everywhere but nary a drop to drink

2005-02-21T21:19:00.000+08:00

My cousin has Schizophrenia. He has been in and out of hospital these last few years, and when he is off his medication he can be violent, particularly towards his mother. His parents are fundamentalist christians. They don't beleive in Schizophrenia, they believe in demons, so he's not sick, nooooooo he's full of demons. Obviously they don't believe what the doctors tell them, so medication is not so important - he needs prayer they reckon.

Bloody hell, he may need prayer but give the boy his fricken meds as well.

Mental illness is such anguish for all involved without adding the warped metaphysical spectre of demons to the story. Are you really sure that you want a person who hears voices believing that he is chock full of evil nasties? That is the shortest route to self harm I have ever heard.

Heady Times Indeed

2005-02-19T20:00:00.000+08:00

Well having bowed to the inevitable and created a blog I suppose that I should really make the offort to post at least once a month. Its a blog without a purpose for the moment, I guess I want to further develop some writing skills, and get myself into the habit of daily journalling. Ahhh whatever - lets just see where it goes.